Magic Cucumber 3 – The Harlot Wearing Scarlet: the Auction.

And here is the next fragment! It is going to be Magic Cucumber 3 which Robin writes together with Pink Panda. The real name of the Harlot Wearing Scarlet is Marlin now!


The Harlot Wearing Scarlet saw an overweight woman around 50, who was also to be auctioned off.

“I’m the Harlot Wearing Scarlet,” she introduced herself, “who are you?”

“I am the Bitch With the Itch! I used to be a man and my name was ‘Bad and Fat’. But then I was kidnapped, enslaved and underwent sex-change surgery. Hopefully my former colleagues never see me”.

“Poor thing”

“After all: since I have no more testicles, I am neither aggressive nor evil.”

“They will grow again.”

The Harlot Wearing Scarlet looked at the potential buyers.

“Who is that?”

“He is known for his device. They say he has a magic wand.”

“What’s his name?”

“That’s the Wretch at full Stretch

The Harlot Wearing Scarlet swallowed.

“And that?”

“That’s his brother-in-law, the Prick with the Dick.”

“I am lost.”

“Yes, that would be possible.”

“And who is that?” She pointed to a man with an impenetrable mask.

“I have never seen him before. He calls himself the Bloke with the Cloak.”

Then the auction started. The Harlot Wearing Scarlet was led to the stage in chains and otherwise only dressed in her robe.

“Gentlemen, and here: The Harlot Wearing Scarlet! Who bids?”

“Me! Me”, shouted the Prick with the Dick and the Wretch at full Stretch like from one mouth.

10 minutes later. “And with it The Harlot Wearing Scarlet goes for € 4.99 to the Prick with the Dick. First, second, aaand third.”

The Prick with the Dick wanted to receive his freshly bought property with a smile on his face.

“And now a musical interlude from Robin, the wise musician who plays us something from his early work”, the auctioneer called.

Robin jumped on stage with his magic guitar and started singing.

“AAAAARRRRGH!”, everyone shouted, squeezed their eyes together and pressed their hands against their ears.

Then the Bloke with the Cloak came running towards them and tore the Harlot Wearing Scarlet away with him. “Stop him,” shouted the Prick with the Dick.

The Harlot Wearing Scarlet sat behind the Bloke with the Cloak on a horse galloping through the night.

“You have saved me,” she breathed gratefully.

The Bloke with the Cloak turned around and took off the impenetrable mask. It was Midori!

“You are Midori!

“I am Midori! I love you, Marlin-San!”

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